I'm starting to wonder...

...If blogging is really what it is all cut up to be for me.  I mean, come on already.  I know that its been well over a month since I even posted and even more, when was the last time I really sat down to really post something worth while and worth reading.   I don't know, is it even worth it?
...If the idea of making halloween cookies was such a hit.  The older boy didn't even bother to even come see what I had pulled out to do.  The younger boy just kept stealing cookie dough to eat.  And now, the cooled cookies sit in the kitchen waiting for them to be frosted and decorated.
...If having that perfect "potterybarn" look for my house is even worth it.  I really, really, really, really (you get the point) want a super cute house where everything has its place and everything looks so cute that all who enter are secertly jealous of my wonderful house.  But the reality is, kids live here.  And not just any kids, its my kids who live here.  We currently have a small fort set up in the living room that the boys scream with terror anytime I go near to put it away.  The play room looks as though a large hurricane hit and all the toys were magically pulled out.  The sad part, this room gets cleaned up by them at least every other day.  What can I say, they play hard and mean business.  But it shows on my house, I can't keep up with them and their adventures.
...If taking the younger boy to the pumpkin patch was all that it was cracked up to be.  Will he even care or remember later on that we did these sort of things?
...If my 30 for 30 was too much to take on.  I have currently completed 4 or 5 things and many things already started like  9 out of 30 dates with my hubby or 2 of 30 books of scriptures read.  The running 30 miles a month for the whole year was just a plain crazy idea.
...If people are wondering why we haven't had another kid already.  Trent asked if he thought people judged us because we haven't had another kid.  I told him, those closest to us know our struggles.  But I will say the thought has been on my mind since he said it.
...If Christmas should be low key this year.  We have so many toys and games and stuff, that I'm wondering if maybe we need to have experiences rather than "Stuff".  Although, new dishes would be nice as would a few items for the back yard and house. 
...If there will ever be a day where I lie down and don't feel like I failed in something.  If I spend time with the boys, the house looks like we had been robbed.  Or vice versa, if the house looks great, then I've let my kids be entertained by Disney Jr.
...If there will be a day when I pick up the younger boy from school and the teacher will open the door and say "He was absolutely wonderful and so well behaved, he is a complete joy to have in class".  Rather than cringe to hear "Umm, I justed wanted to let you know he threw a ball at my face".
...If I can brag about the older boy without sounding too up and mighty about it.  There are things I want to write about him, but don't want to sound like my kid rocks and well, too bad for yours.
...If I should dye my hair again.  I can see the gray hairs, but can you?
...If the primary kids are actually learning the songs and how the program will do.  I had a sister in the ward ask if I needed help in teaching the kids to actually sing the words rather than yelling them out.  At this point, I'm just happy that some of the younger kids can remember the words.  And if yelling is how they can do it, great, at least I can say they know the words.
...If being a soccer coach was a wise thing for me this year.  At 6 and 7 kids should be learning tougher skills.  I just don't have the confidence in what I'm teaching them this year.